Sometimes the best laid plans of mice and men get completely thrown off track! All sorts of things can happen in life to derail us from our stated goals…death of a loved one, job loss, and divorce top the stressers list in nearly all surveys. There are some instances when it is most appropriate to get right back on the horse and keep going. Other times, in order to preserve our sanity and the sanity of those around us, it is better to take a step back, re-prioritize, and start over.
Divorce is one of those times that calls for a complete system re-boot. The good news is that you can create and build a life that is calm and centered and happy. The day will come when you can get back into a normal workout routine, and the kids will adjust and, in fact, can thrive in a solid co-parenting environment.
When a life-changing event such as a divorce or separation first happens, life can feel as if it is spinning out of control and it can be very all-encompassing. If you and your co-parent stay on opposite sides of a line drawn in the sand, with winners and losers, this pattern can go on for years.
There are several components that make up “good health” and these include fitness, healthy body, stress levels/perspective, and happiness/satisfaction in one’s life. When you are rebuilding your life, all of these components are effected due to the complete change that you are experiencing. Perspective and a life plan may be the best place to start in order to start turning it all around.
You may feel that your co-parent is against you and that you are still fighting and therefore unable to get started on a peaceful journey. Again, the good news: only one of you (so it can be YOU) needs to stop this pattern for your life to get measurably better. You can decide to be the bigger person and thus gain control in a way that can steer your life, your children’s lives, and the entire situation into a very calm and peaceful experience. You can only control your own behavior and your own reaction to situations. Trying to truly understand the motives and behavior of others, in certain situations, can prove to be frustrating and a huge waste of time and energy. It doesn’t matter for the point of your happy life who did what or said what. The point of your life story is that sometimes, for no reason at all, people that we love dearly and trust will let us down big time. Starting today, you can get past that, be open minded, be kind, and act as your own best advocate.
10 Steps to begin again, to re-boot, and regain your positive perspective and energy:
If something happens that is the “Mother Load of All Curve Balls” give it the time and attention it deserves. Cut unnecessary things off your to-do list to make time for this.
Enlist the help of people you love and trust. Trying to get through a complex and baffling situation completely on your own does not work.
Surround yourself with people who love you as frequently as possible. This will keep you from losing your mind.
Lower your expectations…about everything…until the storm passes.
Sometimes people will just drop the ball. You can wish they didn’t drop the ball. You can cry and rant and rage. This doesn’t change the fact that there is the ball…still dropped. We have expectations that people will do what they say, and when we know people for a long time we really expect them to come through. Sometimes they don’t. Wishing and yelling are equally ineffective. Let it go and move on.
Take a giant step back. Mother may I? Yes you may. This will give you a better perspective on what your options are going forward.
Make room for new possibilities. Sometimes cleaning out your closets and basement helps…it doesn’t make any sense but in de-cluttering your external world, you may find clarity and space in your internal world of thought.
Rest. Meditate. Breathe. Forgive. Talk to people who believe in you and in your possibilities.
Make a new game plan. Start over. Don’t look back and don’t look down. Replaying the loss of the person in your life or the lost opportunity will not help you. Go forward. Live. Know that there will be happiness and success again for you.
Start!! Exercise. Eat well. Take baby steps. Ramp up, gear up, and GO! Believe in yourself and your dreams. Rock on.
Colleen Walsh, founder of http://www.wellnessnow.guru, has been working in health and fitness since 2002. A single mother of three athletic boys, she is well versed in balancing co-parenting, hectic schedules, being an entrepreneur, and maintaining a healthy and fulfilling life for herself. A life coach, motivational speaker, and creator of Strong Mamas/Fit Families exercise DVD, Colleen has devoted her life to her family and to helping other families create healthy, fun, and balanced lives.